You know those times after you’ve eaten Christmas lunch and gone a little overboard? There’s that moment you wish you’d mastered bulimia so you didn’t have to undo your pants (and also so you could maybe eat some more). You kind of splay yourself somewhere until your body manages to process the embarrassing quantities of food you just ate. Quantities that would make an obese person do a little jig. Don’t look away – you know what I’m talking about. We all do, which is why it’s time to separate yourself from the gluttonous mass consuming swarms this festive season and try something different.
No expanding your gut to Father Christmas-style proportions at the table deal? You don’t have to be a saint, just consider a few simple alternatives:
Go easy on the snacking. We all know Christmas lunch takes eons to prepare but, just like you would on any other day, have a sensible breakfast in the morning; maybe even a snack midway through.
If you’ve already eaten something by the time lunch is served, you’re less likely to unhinge your jaw and swallow the entire table from hunger.
If you can’t resist a snack bowl, skip the piles of crisps lying around.
Do a U-turn if someone offers you nacho chips with sour cream. Punch someone in the face when they say you simply have to try the three cheese dip.
Run! Wait!!! – this is your house and you can do whatever you want, so don’t even serve this stuff in the first place. Rather, put out some sliced veggies with a hummus dip, bowls of olives, gherkins and pickled onions, or strips of toasted pita bread with a sweet chili and avo dip – way healthier.
If you’re making mash potatoes, try preparing it with sweet potatoes instead of regular ones, which are higher in kilojoules. The sweet potato option is low GI too, so it’ll impress that old, sickly aunt of yours that feels faint all the time.
Skip the meat. You’re not a Viking okay? It won’t kill you to skip the piles of pork, turkey, chicken and whatever other animal you tear into every Christmas to opt for something a little less greasy. Look at your cousin at the end of the table, yeah, the vegetarian. Sure she’s a little pale and cries a lot, but she’s skinnier than you — ever wonder why? Try a vegetable dish or a vegetarian meat substitute and skip the skin on the chicken.
Aaaarrrgh! You’ve got to be drunk to survive but it will help. Try sticking to stuff like whisky and water instead of sugar filled cocktails and coolers. It goes without saying that you’ll need to get a little sloshed to make it through the day with so many family members around, but if you stick to a light white wine and drink slowly, you should be fine. If you’re mixing drinks, stick to diet soda and avoid telling everyone at the table you hate them it’s just embarrassing.